I have been thinking about this post for weeks, and I have wanted to write something organized and transformative about suicide, but sometimes life and stories don’t work that way.
Earlier this month I attended the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention Out of the Darkness Overnight Walk in San Francisco. I volunteered to photograph the event this time. Three years ago I walked with my two children.
I don’t know if the camera helps me connect or if it keeps me isolated.
There are two national walks each year. This year the walks were in San Francisco and Boston. Father’s Day was on the weekend between the two walks. I lost my father to suicide the year I became a father. The last several weeks, I thought about him often, and I thought about what it means to be a father..
I was surprised this year that I struggled. I struggled to write.… Read the rest
I have been photographing Mayor Schaaf since she ran for Oakland City Council. After she became mayor, I photographed her first inauguration and celebrations.
In November 2015, when Libby celebrated her 50th with a fundraiser gala, I photographed that event too.
The Bay Area is fortunate to have innovative committed leaders. We are also fortunate to have artists who are committed to changing how we see the world, including Bandaloop. Bandaloop is a group of dancers who dance through the sky.
I met Sara Agah Franti and Michael Franti at the gala. They are two more Bay Area artists who help us see and hear the world differently.… Read the rest
Show me a hero, and I’ll write you a tragedy – F. Scott Fitzgerald
The Epilepsy Foundation of Northern California held their annual gala at San Francisco’s Four Seasons Hotel on Saturday, November 10, 2018. It was a 1920’s themed event with dinner, dancing, auction and speakers. The fundraiser was pretty good, but it left me “feeling so Gatsby.”
While I understand the desire to go back to a more simple time like the Roaring 20’s, these events erase history and devalue my experience. In the 1920’s, we were sent to our own colonies or asylums, (the colonies were for the “epileptic insane”). Laws restricted marriage for people with epilepsy. The EEG was not “discovered” until 1929. Hitler would soon begin experimenting on those of us with epilepsy.
If we are going to play make believe, could we at least go back to the era of “the sacred disease” when a son of Zeus became a hero?… Read the rest
The argument of the broken window pane is the most valuable argument in modern politics. – Emmiline (Goulden) Pankhurst 1858-1928
During this year’s Golden Bowl in Oakland, California, I recalled Pankhurst’s famous quote while photographing the roller derby bouts at the Bay Area Derby warehouse. Many of my pictures have broken windows in the background. Other pictures have the Golden Rules poster in the background.
I first noticed the broken window panes two years earlier during the 2015 “United Nations of Derby,” when I took some of my favorite roller derby pictures in front of broken window panes. I like the pictures even more, because I photographed Eva Menace one of my favorite players. Whether we realize it, the roller derby community are descendents of the suffragettes.… Read the rest
This is the first season that Bay Area Derby has skated at the Palace of Fine Arts. BAD changed their teams, uniforms, and regular season home. The Palace of Fine Arts was originally built for the 1915 World’s Fair. It is one of the few remaining structures; it is definitely the most recognizable.
I have been photographing roller derby since 2011. Sometimes I wonder if I have been doing this too long, but I felt younger next to some of the structures at the Palace of Fine Arts.
My fourteen year old daughter attended the first bout between San Francisco and Berkeley. When she first started watching derby, she liked the vendors. Now she is looking for the opportunity to join a team.… Read the rest
Winter, spring, summer or fall… but mostly fall.
I have had epilepsy for more than thirty years. I have been photographing epilepsy events for almost ten years. Those of us with epilepsy have been searching for ways to communicate what we experience. Besides writing and speaking about epilepsy, I give pictures.
Another person with epilepsy created a virtual reality experience. People without epilepsy could “take a first glimpse into the world of Jane.” As I understood the experience, Jayne says what she feels, thinks and hears after a seizure. Participants could see how Jane struggled to make sense of some of her surroundings.
I would like to create a virtual reality experience application for smartphones that we could install for each season.… Read the rest
Last Sunday, Oakland Pride held the 2017 Oakland Pride PARADE in downtown Oakland. This year was either my third or fourth year attending the parade.
I posted after attending the 2014 parade and again after the 2016 parade. Both years I started the parade with my church, but last year I lost the group early. This year, I stayed with our church group for the Sunday curbside service while other groups prepared for the parade.
While we held our service, I felt part of the crowd and part of the counterculture simultaneously. I imagine that the #peetniks felt similarly. Their counterculture was commercial yet retro.
The older I get, the less I understand about Progress. Some days, the hare wins; other days Slow and Steady wins. Progress moves slowly and swiftly, if it moves at all.
September 10th was also World Suicide Prevention Day. (The first WSPD was held the September before my father committed suicide.) Even though I did not see anyone from a suicide awareness organization at the parade, an organization could have attended Oakland Pride.… Read the rest
Last week Anne Lamott discussed her new book Hallelujah Anyway at Montclair Presbyterian Church in Oakland, California. A Great Good Place hosted the event; I took some pictures (that you can see here).
I was excited to see Anne. In 2014 I was on the other side of the country when she visited Oakland. I wrote a meandering blog post that referenced a few of her books and avoided any mention of my impending divorce. Last week, I had already started reading her new book about “rediscovering mercy” when I noticed that I was one of the only men in the audience. It was shocking.
I am often one of the only men… or one of the only white people or one of the only people with a disability. I often seek activities where I will be an outsider, but I feel like a visitor. The Lamont event was different.… Read the rest
I have had epilepsy since I was 16. I had my first seizure one month after running the San Francisco Marathon. For many years afterwards, I continued running with limited success. Mostly, I ran away from the truth about my health.
Last weekend, I attended the first annual Seize the Moment 5K walk/run for Epilepsy in Sacramento, California. The event was held at Gibson Ranch Park on March 26, 2017. March 26 is also “Purple Day,” an international day for people with epilepsy. There was a regular 5K followed by a color run with a lot of purple haze. My two children attended with me.
Jodi Ortiz, race manager
The National Walk for Epilepsy in Washington, D.C. was the same weekend this year. I had gone every year since 2010, but I did not feel like going this year. When I first started attending, I was excited. I felt useful.… Read the rest
I have also photographed an event inside the 16th Street Station. On November 7, 2015, I photographed a fundraiser when Mayor Libby Schaaf celebrated her 50th birthday at the historic site.
This year’s season opener was historic because of the new venue, but the result was also unusual. San Francisco ShEvil Dead defeated the Oakland Outlaws 186-114. The ShEvil Dead victory equaled their win total from the three previous years.
The new venue seemed appropriate for roller derby. Old and new had found a place to interact and coexist. Nothing felt out of place.
When I watch derby on a foam surface, I forget that the sport is full of full contact.… Read the rest
Last month I photographed the Hot Couture fashion show at Oakland’s Crucible. The 2017 Hot Couture fashion show was inspired by the artist Prince and called “The Beautiful One’s.”
This is the fourth consecutive Hot Couture that I have photographed and I tried to be inspired by Prince. I created an 84 image photo gallery. Prince released the album and movie Purple Rain in 1984. “The Beautiful Ones” is a song on Purple Rain.
While “The Beautiful Ones” is not my favorite Prince song, it probably captures my feelings about him. The song captures the contradictions. He was an artist who was passionate. (“You were so hard to find”) He was a passionate artist who yearned to “paint the perfect picture.” He was like all the beautiful ones, “You always seem to lose.” We lost him too early.
When Prince died, I lost something. One year ago today, Prince performed in Oakland.… Read the rest
Originally, the November 27, 2016 performance was scheduled as Echo’s final 2016 show; however, she has scheduled three more Oakland performances for December. Echo will also appear on KQED’s Forum tomorrow with Michael Krasny at 10:00 am.
After I met Echo at an art education event a couple years ago, I have wanted to attend her one-person show. Our schedules never aligned until late last month. Even though she claims that she doesn’t “have a background in theater,” she intuitively understands performance. She is creative, energetic, funny and smart. She is engaging.
Echo may not have had formal theater training before she wrote her current play, but her journey prepared her for the stage. Echo has been code-switching since she was a young person.… Read the rest
On Saturday November 19, I photographed the 2016 Candlelight Gala for the Epilepsy Foundation of Northern California. (I have included the entire photo gallery from the Westin St. Francis with individual selections throughout this post.) Rick Harrison of Pawn Stars was the guest speaker.
Since I had my first seizure when I was 16, I have been reconstructing reality. Each time I had a seizure, I felt as if I had entered a movie or television show. In 2004, something similar happened when my father shot himself. I felt like Humpty Dumpty in a surreal reality show. Coincidentally, November 19, 2016 was Survivor Day (International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day.)
My father shot himself with a gun he purchased from a Las Vegas pawn shop.… Read the rest
What do we remember when we say that we will “never forget?”
I spent the 15 year anniversary of the September 11th attacks at the Oakland Pride Parade. I found my church (and then lost them) and then joined the denomination that baptized me as a baby (the Methodists). I did not want to be alone this 9/11.
While many Americans will never forget 9/11, most Americans did not know someone who died on 9/11. I knew Mark Bingham, one of the passengers on Flight 93. Mark was an incredible man who has become an American icon and symbol for the LGBT community.
I met Mark shortly after I moved to the Bay Area. Mark organized a weekly football game at Golden Gate Park in San Francisco. Five years ago, I wrote more about how we knew each other. He was one of the best athletes and one of the best leaders I have known.… Read the rest
“If the Good Lord had intended us to walk, he wouldn’t have invented roller skates.” (from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory)
On Saturday, two teams skated in circles and one team would be able to hold a trophy at the end of the bout.
Last year the Berkeley Resistance won. This year they won again.
Rocket Dog Rescue also attended the Bay Area Derby Championships. Rocket Dog Rescue attended two years ago. This leads other related questions. If God had wanted us to be alone, would he or she have created dogs? (Or if God had wanted dogs to be alone, would humans have been created?)
So, walk this way and view the two galleries from #BADchamps2016. I recommend that you play a Gene Wilder movie in the background.
I almost did not photograph last weekend’s Bay Area Derby Pride double header. I would have missed something special.
My derby photographs were not special, although I took a few decent action pictures somehow. There are two slideshows below the next two photographs.
In the second bout, Richmond Wrecking Belles defeated the San Francisco ShEvil Dead.
In the first bout, the Berkeley Resistance lost to the Oakland Outlaws.
A former skater coached the winning Oakland team, and an injured skater coached the other winning team.
Two contestants won the rainbow whip cream eating contest.
The bearded man was one of the winners. I have pictures to prove it.
After the first bout, the skaters gathered while a referee was honored. Then the rest of us were honored to be in the presence of something special.
Sometimes I participate in magical thinking, even when I participate in fundraisers. On Saturday May 21, 2016, I participated in the Out of the Darkness Overnight Walk organized by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. Originally, I had also planned to participate in the Stroll for Epilepsy earlier on May 21st.
When the dates for both events were announced, I thought it was a divine message. three years before both events on May 21, 2013, I wrote “A Letter To Fathers Considering Suicide in the Digital Age.” The blog post explains how I experience my father’s suicide. The experience is a struggle… a struggle that has given me many gifts, including the strength to talk and write about epilepsy. When I wrote the May 2013 post, I didn’t realize it would become one of my favorite pieces, because it is extremely personal and vulnerable. Now I realize that it has become one of my favorites because it is personal and vulnerable.… Read the rest
Electric word, life
On Saturday April 16, 2016 I attended the 10th Annual National Walk for Epilepsy in Washington, D.C. I have attended the last seven national walks. In this post I have included at least one photo from each walk and a link to the gallery.
When I started attending the national walks, I was nervous and quiet. After a couple of walks, I became vocal and visible. Three years ago, I retreated when my wife and I separated. Two steps forward, one step….
Electric word, life
People with epilepsy refer to ourselves as a family. Prince, who died today, was part of our family. Our family feels lonelier and quieter tonight without him. Prince was known to disguise himself so that he could appear in public. As I reviewed the seven galleries, I hoped that he attended one of our events… join our secret club. I would have joined his secret club, but I did not want to impose. … Read the rest
Today is Purple Day. Purple Day is for those of us with epilepsy. Canadian Cassidy Megan started Purple Day in 2008 so that people throughout the world could connect with each other and transform how people saw us. I was 16 when I had my first seizure. Cassidy is still only 17.
When I was 16, I was encouraged to hide epilepsy. I did not have a camp or event… or color. Now, I see purple often, especially on days like today. I saw a purple flower at the first Camp Coelho summer camp I visited in 2009. It was in plain sight. It felt as if it were there for me.
Having a color means that I have people. I have people who have been there for me when I need them. They are like miracles. People love me when I feel that I am unloved. People encourage me when I feel that I can’t move forward.… Read the rest
I am a roller derby photographer and my 2016 season started last Saturday. I usually photograph at The Craneway Pavilion in Richmond, California where light imitates art … or art imitates cupcakes. I forget.
Bay Area Derby created two “united teams” to compete against Sacramento’s Sacred City Derby Girls and the Santa Cruz Derby Girls. My son was unsure which team to support, so he chose his team the same way he chose his cupcake. (He chose the blue one.)
Before the evening bouts, I took my children to the Rosie the Riveter WWII Home Front National Historical Park. We would have watched the junior derby “Golden Goblet” earlier in the day, but my son played his first baseball game Saturday and my daughter danced earlier that morning.
My kids enjoy derby as much for the community and competition as the cupcakes and cookies.… Read the rest
This is my last post for 2015. I have included some words and images from my December 2015 photo shoot with Christine and her daughter. I took all the good photos and gathered them into an entire photo gallery from our time in Point Richmond, California. (I know they never match my sweet imagination, but the images are still pretty good.) I also considered beginning this post with another Oscar Wilde quote, as I did for last year’s post, but “Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about.”
I have added notes on a blog about my last four blog posts. I include the notes, because sometimes “I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word I am saying.” (or I wildly steal quotes and I want to credit the author) You can read those notes at my More Than Kids site after you read last year’s blog post about photographing Christine on Christmas Day in Clayton, California.… Read the rest
This post is part of the Epilepsy Blog Relay™ which will run from November 1 through November 30. Follow along and add comments to posts that inspire you. (View my photos from the recent EFNC Gala if you wish too.)
Last weekend when I was photographing the 2015 Epilepsy Foundation of Northern California Gala at the Fairmont San Francisco, I considered this week’s topic about Epilepsy and Creativity. Those of us with epilepsy are often asked about epilepsy and creativity. Does epilepsy make us more creative? Less creative? Is art therapeutic?
As with most things epilepsy, I think it depends on the definition… and who is doing the defining.
I am 1 of 26 Americans living with epilepsy. As an artist with epilepsy, I think about creativity often. As a person with epilepsy, I may also think about creativity differently than many artists.
Having epilepsy has forced me to be creative.… Read the rest
On Saturday November 7, 2015, I photographed Oakland Mayor Libby Schaaf’s 50th Birthday Gala at the Old West Oakland Train Station. Mayor Schaaf celebrated her birthday by having a fundraiser for the East Bay College Fund. The 50th Oakland mayor raised money for 50 scholarships.
One man practicing sportsmanship is far better than a hundred teaching it.
One person practicing diversity is far better than one hundred people teaching it.
Even though the event was about diversity and education, it was more about “practicing diversity” than teaching it.… Read the rest
Last weekend I photographed the 2015 Girls Inc of Alameda County Taste Event. You can view my final photo gallery of 161 photos and you can scroll through this post and preview several of the images from the event in downtown Oakland.
I photographed the 2014 Taste fundraiser last year too. It was also at the Rotunda. I have included the blog post. I am also including the photo gallery. Last year, the event started at the Girls Inc’s Simpson Center across the street from the Rotunda.
I did not taste much of the food this year, but I photographed the preparation. I hope I captured the excitement on both sides of the curtain.
The auctioneer was excellent again this year. When I was in high school, my mother worked for an auction house, so I know the rhythm of a good auction. This experience probably helps me photograph an auctioneer, especially when there is a good one.… Read the rest