Emotion Blur – Part 1

I was dreaming when I wrote this. Forgive me if goes astray…. (Prince 1999)

 (bryan farley)

Before I begin writing, I usually want to know where my article is going to take me, but I know from previous experience, writing is a process. I have actually published a few blog posts, but nothing that has captured the entire year. I still do not know what has happened. Everything has been a blur.

 (bryan farley)

Thanksgiving is my New Years Day. I celebrate Thanksgiving by playing The Fresno High Senate Stogie Bowl. The Senate is the oldest high school club of its kind in the country.  I play football every Thanksgiving with high school students and alumni. I have attended for 30 consecutive Thanksgivings. Some players were born in 1999. I wear clothes that are older than most of the players… I am that old.

 (bryan farley)

Honorary Lauren Melenbacker and Honorary Bryan Farley smoke cigars during “halftime” of the 2013 Stogie Bowl. After every current and honorary member updated their status, we disbanded without a second half.

I did not actually play last year, because I was recovering from an auto accident. I dressed in my usual outfit and ran around the field, but I was afraid of permanent injury. This year I was able to play again. I was careful, because I am old, but I played. How old? I attended high school with Melenbacker’s mother. Melenbacker attends St. Mary’s College in Moraga. That old.

See a gallery of more photos from this year.

 (bryan farley)

The Senators share at half-time, although we did not play a second half this year. Fresno High’s starting quarterback (above) plays for the Actives. (He wants to become a minister.) Tom Wendt, an Orange County artist, represented the class of 1979. He also carried a Sherlock Holmes book. I shared how Fresno High taught me to deal with adversity, and how I needed the experience this year. I explained how some people emphasize that once you learn how to ride a bike, you never forget. What happens when you fall?

At Fresno High, we learned how to get up, and once you learn how to recover, you never forget that lesson either.

 (bryan farley)

Fresno High teaches creativity. The Fresno High Senate taught me how to join groups. I am both creative and experienced at joining groups. This is a strength and a weakness. Sometimes I overextend. My focus blurs. When I believed that my computer was hacked, I did not know if one of my many networks was trying to help me or if someone was attacking one of my groups. I still do not know what happened. I just know that I lost my balance and crashed.

I remembered how to get up.

For most of my adult life, I had a vision of a dream job. I wanted to return to Fresno High and teach. Somehow during this last year, I found something close. I teach photography and yearbook at Pittsburg High. PHS resembles Fresno High. I love the school, the students and my courses. We learn how to ride a bike after falling.

I fell often this last year. I fell in love, I fell apart and I fell down. I thought that I was alone for all of it, but I suspect that I am wrong.

6 Responses to “Emotion Blur – Part 1”

  1. Karen Clark says:

    Really great blog, Bryan.

  2. Bryan Farley says:

    Thank you Karen Clark . I have a couple more posts in this series of Emotion Blur. I can tell that I am almost ready to reveal more details about the last year and share something important, but I just do not know how to do it… and I do not know how it will look yet. I am close. How have you been? what did you notice?

  3. Karen Clark says:

    Any creative piece that reveals our deepest emotion usually takes a while to come to fruition. I’m glad you’re working on it. I am doing well and very happy. To answer your question, I notice in all your writing and photography how you link comparisons in your own life to the subject matter and events around you…. A swirling array of life captured in the brilliant light and darkness of pictures and words.

  4. I really enjoy reading your blogs my friend.

  5. Alice J Pierson-Knapp says:

    always good to check in – much gratitude for you!

  6. bryan farley says:

    Thank you again my loyal readers for commenting and sharing. Thank you for sharing your lives with me, even the difficult times.

    Sometimes life is strangely beautiful and I struggle with the unexpected gifts almost as much as the tragedies. How do people accept love?